Putting goals in perspective

When I wrote the previous post, I had felt overwhelmed by my inability to do all the things I wanted to do. I felt frustrated and concluded that I should perhaps give up on goals altogether. Just drift by and maintain. Keeping up with cleaning needs, cooking, laundering. That's enough to consume all the energy I have left over from spending my quality hours at work. But I woke up the following morning and realized the picture is not that dismal. Here are the things I need to keep in mind when that mood strikes again:

Bottlenecks waste energy
When trying to do everything at once, you create a mental bottleneck. Thoughts race in different directions but 'you' represent a constraint and so does time. Best case, a few items will make their way through. Worst case, nothing will. In either case, you're burning mental energy suboptimally. This is the opposite of focus.

Plan for renewal
There are inputs and outputs to every equation. When it comes to mental energy, consider what drains you and what enriches. And make sure to have enough of the enrichment side to balance the drain. In our hectic world, this needs to be planned. I have been telling myself for years now that I will take a day from work just because. But I haven't brought myself to do it because it feels wasteful, even though common sense tells me it isn't. I would have been better off choosing to relax rather than doing anything else. A well rested body is the best ally for a busy mind.

First things first
Theres a hierarchy to the order of goals. Basics have to be taken care of. If for example, clutter gets in the way of focus or creativity, then decluttering should be the next goal. The others can wait, but focus on deriving satisfaction from accomplishing the little goals that will ease the way for the bigger ones.

Be thankful
Gratitude makes such a big difference to the level of joy we feel in our lives. Experts say it is like a muscle that you need to exercise. They say to write down everyday 3 things you ate thankful for. I haven't tried this for any continuos stretch of time, but doing it just one time improves my mood. When you work at work and work at home, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. When you can't have even 5 minutes to yourself in the toilet without kids barging in to demand some attention, it feels justified to vent. I recall reading a blog post earlier this year (will find and insert link because I liked it so much, I saved it...somewhere) about how these 'interruptions' are our life. It means we have a life, and we should be thankful for it.

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Dear Blogger app for iOS,
I like that I could tap this all out ony phone. I would also like to bold some text, italicize and perhaps insert links. Hope I'm not asking too much. Really appreciate your existence and not crashing on me.
Well, after my complaint, I remembered that these are things we used to do without apps, before apps. So I've put in my bold tags but would still like it the app-way.

Letting go of obligations

The time may have arrived. To confront the reality...that I may have too many goals.  The reality that I may  not have the capacity (at this time) to do some of the things I set my mind to do.  That my current obligations are enough...more than enough.  The needs of my children, my husband, my home, my job take all the time that I can possibly give.  What makes me think I can add on to that?  Yet, my inability to do so leaves me feeling frustrated. 

"Perhaps I need to take the right vitamins."  I need some source of super super vitamins to give me the strength and focus I need to take care of all the above and more.  If there was a drug on the market that was proven to do this, I'd be the first in line.  {There's this movie about this guy who discovers such a drug and becomes a genius, but I forget the title, so I'll edit when I remember...but I liked the movie and hoped that drug would become reality...except that genius would become the new norm anyway and we'll back to square one...trying to do more than the current reality allows}.  But imbibing non-food substances worries me enough that I've even incapable of trying 5 hour energy or any other energy drinks.  Could that be my answer?  I wouldn't know since I'm unwilling to try.  So, multi-vitamins it is.  At least, now I'm trying out the GNC time-release multi-vitamins.  See, I didn't even learn more about "time-release" until recently.  I've been taking it for about 2 weeks, but can't really tell you if it's working or not...unless perhaps my renewed frustration is due to having just that much more energy to even think about goals.  But if anyone does know of some super super vitamins, please drop me a line.  Please!

So I'm taking vitamins.  I'm eating right better. I (am trying to) exercise (consistently).  Could be better, but I'm trying and not doing too badly.  Yet, the hours in the day remain the same!

As I wrote that, I realize that I'm falling into the time management trap again.  Attempting to manage time is a futile activity...will only leave you frustrated.  Instead, manage energy.  Manage the energy that controls what you can accomplish within that given time.  Which brings me back to the super super vitamin.  Or super super diet and exercise routine?  If I had super super energy, I would not have felt like staying in bed a little longer this morning.  I would not have felt that a good use of the first free Saturday in weeks was to lounge in bed.  Of course, my mind justified this by pointing out that it was a rare opportunity that may not surface again soon.  So, I lounged.

"Perhaps I need better work/life balance."  I'm starting to despise that term, "work/life balance".  Who invented it?  It implies that "work" and "life" are equal in weight.  It ignores the fact that work is also part of life, thereby taking up more than it's fair share.  It ignores the fact that life consists of a thousand other obligations - kids, spouses, family, community.  It implies that work take up 50% of your time, so we go to work and spend our life there.  If I sound resentful, I am. I recently took a new job where my "work/life balance" took an unanticipated hit. If I used to score a 7 out of 10 on the balance scale, I now score a 4.  Fortunately, Hubby has been able to step in with dropping or picking the kids from school so I can go to work earlier and leave earlier a few days a week.  Without this, I might have quit (or just torn my hair out or something like that).  But what does better work/life balance look like?  The mental picture of a balance makes heats up my brain, trying to calculate what percentage of time goes to what...and (I think) my tendency to throw in additional obligations is my brains attempt at balancing the scale.  If the work side is too heavy, one way to balance the scale is to add more to the life side, right.  Mathematically correct.  Practically impractical!  Hmmm...the other option is to remove from the work side, right?  (Okay, this isn't what I was setting out to write...got to think about this some more.)

"Perhaps I need to not have goals".  Reduce my aspirations.  Eliminate all obligations that do not fit (and I mean truly fit) inside the kid, husband, home or work buckets.  I'm taking a long pause here because that feels like a hard thought to swallow.  I shouldn't work on my novel?  I can't say it's for my kids?  I shouldn't join that committee at work?  I can't say it will help my career?  I shouldn't volunteer to present to those students?  I can't say that's for the kids - setting a great example?  I don't know. How do I satisfy myself only with goals of that are supposed to satisfy other people and not me.  Feed good meals. Clean house. Clean house. Laundry.  Is that all I'm capable of (if I'm even capable, as I've not yet demonstrated my capability in all these).  I do have goals related to these, but they are not all my goals.  Should I trim everything that doesn't fit.  If I do, am I even living?  Or just existing?  There has got to be a way.

For starters...stop writing and get to doing?  But where do I start?  The free Saturday is about over. Cooking, cleaning, cooking again and cleaning again. Laundry.  Shopping for items needed for a homework project. More cleaning. And it's dinner time.  More cooking and cleaning.  In defiance of it all, I decided to write this post.  But I see I should not take the time to defy.  Just do.  More cleaning.  More decluttering.  Two loads of laundry to go.  There's an end in sight.  Kids will grow.