As hurricane Sandy bears down on the east coast and dumps rain on those of us further inland (I'm not complaining), all my kids care about is that tomorrow is Halloween. I shopped for their costumes at the very last minute on Amazon, using the one day shipping option. (Quick aside: I blame the last minute not on my procrastination abilities, at which I'm quite capable, but Halloween just happens to be last on my list of holidays). With the storm, I thought I was out of luck and the package would arrive late. I mentally rehearsed my conversation with the kids, asking them to just wear last year's costumes, as I relished the thought of returning the shipment and getting my money back. Well, amazon disappointed me (in a good way) and the package arrived on time. Today.
The kids, home from school apparently thought school closed today so they could receive the mail. They tore into the box and got into their costumes. Three minutes later, my son's Mario costume had popped a button. Another two minutes and the second button. Ten minutes later, the dungarees strap. All these were decorative items and did not impact the outfit staying on the body. But still...
I understand why Halloween costumes should be of poor quality. It gets worn once and lands in the scrap heap. But shouldn't that mean that they are correspondingly cheap? I don't consider $20 for a flimsy costume that barely lasts 10 minutes cheap!
Now my son has told me he would rather wear last year's costume. Unless I break out my needle and thread which I'll have to do if I don't want my money to go down the drain...assuming Sandy let's us trick or treat. On a positive note, Mario's hat is intact and looks solid enough to survive another day or two.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Reading and retrieving
"Wow! Wow!", I said to myself as I read this blog post on a system to track your takeaways from reading books - How to Retrieve What You've Read - Almost Instantly | Michael Hyatt. Personally, I can't stand to highlight books or read highlighted books. It just feels like defacing something beautiful (unless it's a workbook). But that's besides the point. The point is that Dwayne Morris describes a more thorough system for performing 'memory recalls' of books than I could ever have imagined. It underscores the amount of work and thoughtful planning that go into processes that appear effortless to the casual observer. It makes me feel ashamed of my disorganized scribbles into whatever writing material happens to be closest by when I'm overcome by an insight from my reading. I depended on the discipline of writing what I read to get me through high school and college. Then I became lax with it as I read for pleasure (I tell myself). I feel upset with myself that I have accepted inadequacy in myself in recalling book details. It is all too common for me to say stuff like "I read somewhere that..."
Now to make amends. I will not force myself to highlight physical books, but I will work out a system. Kindle books I highlight with wild abandon, and I'm glad to learn I can print or copy my highlights from amazon. Did not know that was possible. Blog posts, online news, etc., I also need to figure out. I typically email them to myself, but that system isn't working. (Why did I continue to do that?) Until a new system is figured out, blog perhaps it is.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Putting goals in perspective
When I wrote the previous post, I had felt overwhelmed by my inability to do all the things I wanted to do. I felt frustrated and concluded that I should perhaps give up on goals altogether. Just drift by and maintain. Keeping up with cleaning needs, cooking, laundering. That's enough to consume all the energy I have left over from spending my quality hours at work. But I woke up the following morning and realized the picture is not that dismal. Here are the things I need to keep in mind when that mood strikes again:
Bottlenecks waste energy
When trying to do everything at once, you create a mental bottleneck. Thoughts race in different directions but 'you' represent a constraint and so does time. Best case, a few items will make their way through. Worst case, nothing will. In either case, you're burning mental energy suboptimally. This is the opposite of focus.
Plan for renewal
There are inputs and outputs to every equation. When it comes to mental energy, consider what drains you and what enriches. And make sure to have enough of the enrichment side to balance the drain. In our hectic world, this needs to be planned. I have been telling myself for years now that I will take a day from work just because. But I haven't brought myself to do it because it feels wasteful, even though common sense tells me it isn't. I would have been better off choosing to relax rather than doing anything else. A well rested body is the best ally for a busy mind.
First things first
Theres a hierarchy to the order of goals. Basics have to be taken care of. If for example, clutter gets in the way of focus or creativity, then decluttering should be the next goal. The others can wait, but focus on deriving satisfaction from accomplishing the little goals that will ease the way for the bigger ones.
Be thankful
Gratitude makes such a big difference to the level of joy we feel in our lives. Experts say it is like a muscle that you need to exercise. They say to write down everyday 3 things you ate thankful for. I haven't tried this for any continuos stretch of time, but doing it just one time improves my mood. When you work at work and work at home, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. When you can't have even 5 minutes to yourself in the toilet without kids barging in to demand some attention, it feels justified to vent. I recall reading a blog post earlier this year (will find and insert link because I liked it so much, I saved it...somewhere) about how these 'interruptions' are our life. It means we have a life, and we should be thankful for it.
-----------
Dear Blogger app for iOS,
I like that I could tap this all out ony phone. I would also like to bold some text, italicize and perhaps insert links. Hope I'm not asking too much. Really appreciate your existence and not crashing on me.
Well, after my complaint, I remembered that these are things we used to do without apps, before apps. So I've put in my bold tags but would still like it the app-way.
Bottlenecks waste energy
When trying to do everything at once, you create a mental bottleneck. Thoughts race in different directions but 'you' represent a constraint and so does time. Best case, a few items will make their way through. Worst case, nothing will. In either case, you're burning mental energy suboptimally. This is the opposite of focus.
Plan for renewal
There are inputs and outputs to every equation. When it comes to mental energy, consider what drains you and what enriches. And make sure to have enough of the enrichment side to balance the drain. In our hectic world, this needs to be planned. I have been telling myself for years now that I will take a day from work just because. But I haven't brought myself to do it because it feels wasteful, even though common sense tells me it isn't. I would have been better off choosing to relax rather than doing anything else. A well rested body is the best ally for a busy mind.
First things first
Theres a hierarchy to the order of goals. Basics have to be taken care of. If for example, clutter gets in the way of focus or creativity, then decluttering should be the next goal. The others can wait, but focus on deriving satisfaction from accomplishing the little goals that will ease the way for the bigger ones.
Be thankful
Gratitude makes such a big difference to the level of joy we feel in our lives. Experts say it is like a muscle that you need to exercise. They say to write down everyday 3 things you ate thankful for. I haven't tried this for any continuos stretch of time, but doing it just one time improves my mood. When you work at work and work at home, it's easy to feel overwhelmed. When you can't have even 5 minutes to yourself in the toilet without kids barging in to demand some attention, it feels justified to vent. I recall reading a blog post earlier this year (will find and insert link because I liked it so much, I saved it...somewhere) about how these 'interruptions' are our life. It means we have a life, and we should be thankful for it.
-----------
Dear Blogger app for iOS,
I like that I could tap this all out ony phone. I would also like to bold some text, italicize and perhaps insert links. Hope I'm not asking too much. Really appreciate your existence and not crashing on me.
Well, after my complaint, I remembered that these are things we used to do without apps, before apps. So I've put in my bold tags but would still like it the app-way.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
Letting go of obligations
The time may have arrived. To confront the reality...that I may have
too many goals. The reality that I may not have the capacity (at this
time) to do some of the things I set my mind to do. That my current
obligations are enough...more than enough. The needs of my children, my
husband, my home, my job take all the time that I can possibly give.
What makes me think I can add on to that? Yet, my inability to do so
leaves me feeling frustrated.
"Perhaps I need to take the right vitamins." I need some source of super super vitamins to give me the strength and focus I need to take care of all the above and more. If there was a drug on the market that was proven to do this, I'd be the first in line. {There's this movie about this guy who discovers such a drug and becomes a genius, but I forget the title, so I'll edit when I remember...but I liked the movie and hoped that drug would become reality...except that genius would become the new norm anyway and we'll back to square one...trying to do more than the current reality allows}. But imbibing non-food substances worries me enough that I've even incapable of trying 5 hour energy or any other energy drinks. Could that be my answer? I wouldn't know since I'm unwilling to try. So, multi-vitamins it is. At least, now I'm trying out the GNC time-release multi-vitamins. See, I didn't even learn more about "time-release" until recently. I've been taking it for about 2 weeks, but can't really tell you if it's working or not...unless perhaps my renewed frustration is due to having just that much more energy to even think about goals. But if anyone does know of some super super vitamins, please drop me a line. Please!
So I'm taking vitamins. I'm eatingright
better. I (am trying to) exercise (consistently). Could be better, but
I'm trying and not doing too badly. Yet, the hours in the day remain
the same!
As I wrote that, I realize that I'm falling into the time management trap again. Attempting to manage time is a futile activity...will only leave you frustrated. Instead, manage energy. Manage the energy that controls what you can accomplish within that given time. Which brings me back to the super super vitamin. Or super super diet and exercise routine? If I had super super energy, I would not have felt like staying in bed a little longer this morning. I would not have felt that a good use of the first free Saturday in weeks was to lounge in bed. Of course, my mind justified this by pointing out that it was a rare opportunity that may not surface again soon. So, I lounged.
"Perhaps I need better work/life balance." I'm starting to despise that term, "work/life balance". Who invented it? It implies that "work" and "life" are equal in weight. It ignores the fact that work is also part of life, thereby taking up more than it's fair share. It ignores the fact that life consists of a thousand other obligations - kids, spouses, family, community. It implies that work take up 50% of your time, so we go to work and spend our life there. If I sound resentful, I am. I recently took a new job where my "work/life balance" took an unanticipated hit. If I used to score a 7 out of 10 on the balance scale, I now score a 4. Fortunately, Hubby has been able to step in with dropping or picking the kids from school so I can go to work earlier and leave earlier a few days a week. Without this, I might have quit (or just torn my hair out or something like that). But what does better work/life balance look like? The mental picture of a balance makes heats up my brain, trying to calculate what percentage of time goes to what...and (I think) my tendency to throw in additional obligations is my brains attempt at balancing the scale. If the work side is too heavy, one way to balance the scale is to add more to the life side, right. Mathematically correct. Practically impractical! Hmmm...the other option is to remove from the work side, right? (Okay, this isn't what I was setting out to write...got to think about this some more.)
"Perhaps I need to not have goals". Reduce my aspirations. Eliminate all obligations that do not fit (and I mean truly fit) inside the kid, husband, home or work buckets. I'm taking a long pause here because that feels like a hard thought to swallow. I shouldn't work on my novel? I can't say it's for my kids? I shouldn't join that committee at work? I can't say it will help my career? I shouldn't volunteer to present to those students? I can't say that's for the kids - setting a great example? I don't know. How do I satisfy myself only with goals of that are supposed to satisfy other people and not me. Feed good meals. Clean house. Clean house. Laundry. Is that all I'm capable of (if I'm even capable, as I've not yet demonstrated my capability in all these). I do have goals related to these, but they are not all my goals. Should I trim everything that doesn't fit. If I do, am I even living? Or just existing? There has got to be a way.
For starters...stop writing and get to doing? But where do I start? The free Saturday is about over. Cooking, cleaning, cooking again and cleaning again. Laundry. Shopping for items needed for a homework project. More cleaning. And it's dinner time. More cooking and cleaning. In defiance of it all, I decided to write this post. But I see I should not take the time to defy. Just do. More cleaning. More decluttering. Two loads of laundry to go. There's an end in sight. Kids will grow.
"Perhaps I need to take the right vitamins." I need some source of super super vitamins to give me the strength and focus I need to take care of all the above and more. If there was a drug on the market that was proven to do this, I'd be the first in line. {There's this movie about this guy who discovers such a drug and becomes a genius, but I forget the title, so I'll edit when I remember...but I liked the movie and hoped that drug would become reality...except that genius would become the new norm anyway and we'll back to square one...trying to do more than the current reality allows}. But imbibing non-food substances worries me enough that I've even incapable of trying 5 hour energy or any other energy drinks. Could that be my answer? I wouldn't know since I'm unwilling to try. So, multi-vitamins it is. At least, now I'm trying out the GNC time-release multi-vitamins. See, I didn't even learn more about "time-release" until recently. I've been taking it for about 2 weeks, but can't really tell you if it's working or not...unless perhaps my renewed frustration is due to having just that much more energy to even think about goals. But if anyone does know of some super super vitamins, please drop me a line. Please!
So I'm taking vitamins. I'm eating
As I wrote that, I realize that I'm falling into the time management trap again. Attempting to manage time is a futile activity...will only leave you frustrated. Instead, manage energy. Manage the energy that controls what you can accomplish within that given time. Which brings me back to the super super vitamin. Or super super diet and exercise routine? If I had super super energy, I would not have felt like staying in bed a little longer this morning. I would not have felt that a good use of the first free Saturday in weeks was to lounge in bed. Of course, my mind justified this by pointing out that it was a rare opportunity that may not surface again soon. So, I lounged.
"Perhaps I need better work/life balance." I'm starting to despise that term, "work/life balance". Who invented it? It implies that "work" and "life" are equal in weight. It ignores the fact that work is also part of life, thereby taking up more than it's fair share. It ignores the fact that life consists of a thousand other obligations - kids, spouses, family, community. It implies that work take up 50% of your time, so we go to work and spend our life there. If I sound resentful, I am. I recently took a new job where my "work/life balance" took an unanticipated hit. If I used to score a 7 out of 10 on the balance scale, I now score a 4. Fortunately, Hubby has been able to step in with dropping or picking the kids from school so I can go to work earlier and leave earlier a few days a week. Without this, I might have quit (or just torn my hair out or something like that). But what does better work/life balance look like? The mental picture of a balance makes heats up my brain, trying to calculate what percentage of time goes to what...and (I think) my tendency to throw in additional obligations is my brains attempt at balancing the scale. If the work side is too heavy, one way to balance the scale is to add more to the life side, right. Mathematically correct. Practically impractical! Hmmm...the other option is to remove from the work side, right? (Okay, this isn't what I was setting out to write...got to think about this some more.)
"Perhaps I need to not have goals". Reduce my aspirations. Eliminate all obligations that do not fit (and I mean truly fit) inside the kid, husband, home or work buckets. I'm taking a long pause here because that feels like a hard thought to swallow. I shouldn't work on my novel? I can't say it's for my kids? I shouldn't join that committee at work? I can't say it will help my career? I shouldn't volunteer to present to those students? I can't say that's for the kids - setting a great example? I don't know. How do I satisfy myself only with goals of that are supposed to satisfy other people and not me. Feed good meals. Clean house. Clean house. Laundry. Is that all I'm capable of (if I'm even capable, as I've not yet demonstrated my capability in all these). I do have goals related to these, but they are not all my goals. Should I trim everything that doesn't fit. If I do, am I even living? Or just existing? There has got to be a way.
For starters...stop writing and get to doing? But where do I start? The free Saturday is about over. Cooking, cleaning, cooking again and cleaning again. Laundry. Shopping for items needed for a homework project. More cleaning. And it's dinner time. More cooking and cleaning. In defiance of it all, I decided to write this post. But I see I should not take the time to defy. Just do. More cleaning. More decluttering. Two loads of laundry to go. There's an end in sight. Kids will grow.
Monday, July 30, 2012
Making time
Summer is almost over! One key sign is that my daughter's fall soccer practice has started. It means more frenzied dashing arounds - from afterschool, rushing to finish homework, dinner on-the-run as we try to get to practice on time. The good thing though is that practice time is potentially down time for me. Potential, I said. Not actual. Because my son then demands whatever attention I have. And I end up feeling exhausted.
Today however, he got to stay home with Dad. Yes, it works for me. So why am I do excited over the plan I've hatched up to give him attention? Big sister's soccer time will be little brother's study time. Once a week, when practice is close to the local library, we will head there and have a formal study time. He missed kindergarten this year due to a late birthday, but I will not wait another year to stretch him to where he can go.
I know my resolve will weaken as the weather gets colder. While I'm strong, here are some things I will put in place to facilitate sticking to the plan:
1. Put it on the calendar. Study time, right after soccer drop off. We run to everything else that's on the calendar, even when I'd rather just crawl into bed. Soccer, karate, piano, we go where the calendar says we must.
2. Plan the curriculum and have needed materials in the study bag, ready to go in the car.
3. Drum up excitement and award rewards for work done. Make him excited about it so that he begs for study time (rather than playground time which is his current staple, which requires me keeping both eyes on him instead of my book.)
4. Maintain and nurture my energy. Eat, sleep and exercise. Plus take my vitamins. The exercise bit has gotten harder to do since I changed employment. The eat well but has always been hard. Ooo!
Today however, he got to stay home with Dad. Yes, it works for me. So why am I do excited over the plan I've hatched up to give him attention? Big sister's soccer time will be little brother's study time. Once a week, when practice is close to the local library, we will head there and have a formal study time. He missed kindergarten this year due to a late birthday, but I will not wait another year to stretch him to where he can go.
I know my resolve will weaken as the weather gets colder. While I'm strong, here are some things I will put in place to facilitate sticking to the plan:
1. Put it on the calendar. Study time, right after soccer drop off. We run to everything else that's on the calendar, even when I'd rather just crawl into bed. Soccer, karate, piano, we go where the calendar says we must.
2. Plan the curriculum and have needed materials in the study bag, ready to go in the car.
3. Drum up excitement and award rewards for work done. Make him excited about it so that he begs for study time (rather than playground time which is his current staple, which requires me keeping both eyes on him instead of my book.)
4. Maintain and nurture my energy. Eat, sleep and exercise. Plus take my vitamins. The exercise bit has gotten harder to do since I changed employment. The eat well but has always been hard. Ooo!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Blogger android app is crap
Getting a tablet has dramatically decreased the likelihood that I power up my laptop. Writing is quicker and more efficiently accomplished with a full keyboard but the fact does not motivate me to get off the couch and get the better tool. Hence, if I must blog, I must do so (less efficiently), tapping out words on my 7 inch tablet. But perhaps, Google wishes to discourage such laziness for their blogger interface is not compatible with my mobile device. And the blogger app, which at first I thought was God-sent has gobbled not one, or two, but 3 lengthy (and I thought, smart) articles that I painstakingly tapped out.
Now, I remember to copy and paste my words into another text editor before I hit the "publish" button with trepidation. I will not bother to expound on the app's scarcity of features at this time as that is irrelevant in view of the total annihilation of the simple plain text that have been taken from my finger tips.
Addendum
I expected this posting attempt to crash and burn like others before it, but it didn't. I'm not letting my guard down around that app yet though. And btw, I'm wrtiting this addendum via blogger.com itself. Apparently it works now, so disregard earliear comment.
Now, I remember to copy and paste my words into another text editor before I hit the "publish" button with trepidation. I will not bother to expound on the app's scarcity of features at this time as that is irrelevant in view of the total annihilation of the simple plain text that have been taken from my finger tips.
Addendum
I expected this posting attempt to crash and burn like others before it, but it didn't. I'm not letting my guard down around that app yet though. And btw, I'm wrtiting this addendum via blogger.com itself. Apparently it works now, so disregard earliear comment.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Choosing Santa over reality
This year again, I think it's time Daughter is on to the Santa ruse. She's now eight. I shouldn't be able to fool her any longer. I'm not even trying to fool her. But I have found her self-sustained Santa myths too amusing to want to bust her bubble. This evening, Christmas eve, she might have caught me red-handed, scissors, gift wrap and tape strewn all over the floor as I wrapped gifts. But no. Instead, she never lowered her gaze to the floor to see what I was doing. She didn't glance at the dining table to see if Santa had indeed stopped by and consumed the cookies she left out for him. She didn't check to see if I kept my word and put out the cup of milk I said I would. She didn't take a peek at the tree to see if gifts had been delivered. She simply delivered her message, with chin up. Her brother had fallen asleep on the floor and she needed me to move him. Quick about-turn, she went back up the stairs.
It struck me as very unusual for a child who is giddy with anticipation about Santa's arrival to show no curiousity whatsoever about the status of his arrival. Then it struck me. She doesn't want the truth. The myth is too much fun and she's going to hold on to it for as long as she can. If it means experiencing selective blindness when she runs into me wrapping gifts, then so be it.
Scientists have shown that one of the major functions of our brain is to rationalize our actions. Research also shows that ability to rationalize is directly correlated with happiness. Which totally makes sense when you consider that the child who ignores evidence to the contrary and takes pure delight in gifts from the north pole will likely be happier than the one who is grappling with the lies told by society and experiencing irritation with those who continue to hold on to the lies.
So I'm happy that my daughter chooses to be happy instead of right this Christmas.
Merry Christmas!!!
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