Learning and attitude

My 3rd grade daughter has an assignment to turn in tomorrow for her advanced reading class. She needs to use a couple of idioms in sentences, but she is not yet done. This work was assigned two weeks ago, but she didn't feel the pressure of getting it done until I asked about it on the drive home from school. She immediately blamed her teacher. "I finished my work early and asked my teacher if I could do it but she said no." She felt it was unfair.

I thought the teacher could say no for a variety of reason. "But what matters is that you do finish it before tomorrow. Did you bring it home?" She didn't. But she recalls the listed idioms which is great because she could still write her sentences on unofficial paper. Better that than nothing.

I still need to learn how to strike the right balance when it comes to helping my daughter to organize (tracking her homework and due dates for her) versus letting her learn to organize (and suffer the consequences of being disorganized). I think 3rd grade is not a bad place to suffer some poor grades (missed assignments) for the greater good, but I wonder if that's an unreasonable expectation for her age and personality. What I am getting better at is setting up the right attitude, a happy mood, before proceeding with teaching.

My daughter tells me she's having a difficult time coming up with a sentence using the idiom, "egg on your face". I ask her to try something anyhow. She does but I don't think it's good enough. At this point, she has started and stopped a couple of crying sessions and she's now ready to throw in the towel. Her meltdown is interfering with my plan to snuggle on the couch for a few minutes pre dinner prep to recover from my stressful day. All she seems capable of uttering now is "I can't!" or "I don't know!"

I take a deep breath. I ask her to do the same. "I don't want to!" Big sobs.
I worry there's something else going on. She nods and tells me how a football had mistakenly hit her that day in the gym. Globs of tears. My fears are allayed. But I see there will be no headway while she felt crappy. I asked her what good thing happened. She told me her class had met one of their goals and would get a reward. She said that made her happy, but she said it with the most sorrowful face you can imagine.

"We can't do this!" I exclaimed in exasperation. "Your sad face has sent your brain into hiding!" I then explained to her in all seriousness how (1) I could end the drama by giving her a sentence. But I would be robbing her a chance to learn. (2) To figure it out, her brain was required to do some hard work, try, fail, try, get a little better. (3) When her face is sad, her brain goes into hiding because it is afraid there is danger around. (4) When her face is happy, her brain comes out and prances around, thinking it must be sunny and time to play. (5) The active brain plays with difficult problems and finds solutions.

She is all smiles now. She starts to suggest sentences. She eventually comes up with something suitable. I love the brain hide or play analogy because it is sooo true and because it connected with my daughter. Another tool in my parenting kit.